nineveh_uk

Definitely the most exciting story of the week: male wolves have previously been seen in Denmark, a young female has definitely moved in. In the Guardian.

From from a researcher: “People were very surprised when wolves first appeared in Denmark but they are highly mobile and are just as adaptable to cultural landscapes as foxes are. The only problem historically is that we killed them.”

As many of the younger wolves, including Ms Jutland 2016, are migrating from Germany, no doubt this will turn up in the Daily Mail soon as "Nazi Wolves Overrun Europe".

Bølgen (The Wave) involves – you guessed it – a giant wave/inland tsunami that happens when half a mountain slides off into the fjord. It is based on a real place, under a real threat, and on real incidents of this type in the twentieth century. The actual event isn’t implausible. There’s a BBC clip of an interview here with a couple of sailors who actually survived a ‘megatsunami’ event of this type in Alaska 1958, in which the wave in question was 30m high in the middle of the fjord and destroyed trees on its shore 500m above the normal sea level.

So far, I am intrigued. Unfortunately I then read the synopsis, which goes as follows:

The experienced geologist Kristian Eikfjord has accepted a job offer out of town. He is getting ready to move from the city of Geiranger with his family, when he and his colleagues measure small geological changes in the underground. Kristian gets worried and his worst nightmare is about to come true, when the alarm goes off and the disaster is inevitable. With less than 10 minutes to react, it becomes a race against time in order to save as many as possible including his own family.

New setting, new language, same old plot…

Just once, I’d like a disaster film premise that goes like this:

The Volcano/Tsunami/Earthquake/Whatever

Jo Smith is a nuclear physicist/geologist/volcanologist/civil engineer who notices something disturbing in the readouts for the power station/earthquake fault/volcano/dam/aeroplane. Instantly Jo informs their colleagues who all take it extremely seriously. Some additional observation/readings are carried out. They contact the local authorities and the existing disaster plan is put into action. Said plan has been drawn up based on evidence, and has been rehearsed by the local community.*

The plan is carried out. The disaster happens. Some people may die or be injured, but overall the actions are judged a success. Jo’s entire family is on holiday with their much-loved in-laws and play no part in the story. Anybody with a dog lets it off its lead to run to higher ground/swim alone, because dogs are better at that than humans.

Perhaps you are thinking that this sounds a bit boring? It needn’t be, with due attention to character and script. There can still be the giant volcanic eruption/whatever. And it couldn’t possibly be more boring than sitting through the umpteenth version of the same bloody story just with a different disaster.

TL:DR You don’t have to base everything on Ibsen’s An Enemy of the People.

*Which is very helpful in such circumstances. See the evacuation of Rabaul in a volcanic eruption.

Less anticipated perils of nudism: Naked German women found in woods

Less amusingly, exploitation of berry pickers.

Apparently Morrisons sells jars of bilberries from Poland (where they are presumably picked by Poles), and any potential radioactivity doesn't present a health hazard. Alas, I don't have a local Morrisons. I shall have to go to Ilkley Moor when in the north later this month.

ETA: Comments frozen as nude hikers appear to attract lots of spam!

Since I mourned the demise of Aftenposten’s news in English I have wanted a replacement without, as is so often the case, hunting very hard for it. I think now, though, I have found it. No one volume could replace the drunk elk AND the economics of oil rigs, but the combination of http://www.norwaypost.no/ and http://www.thelocal.se/ does its best, along with occasional input from the ineffably dull http://www.cphpost.dk/ The latter is the Copenhagen Post. I assume that the web address is an attempt to translate the Danish abbreviation KBH. I don’t think it works. I feel the headline ‘Doctor Penis’ guilty of tax fraud sums it up completely. Norway Post lacks the routine drunken elk, but otherwise has the politics, landslides and snow chaos we know and love. The real find, though, is definitely the Swedish The Local, which mixes Metro-level serious stories with glories such as Swedish hockey fans delay match with dildo downpour. Actually, I love this story. It is inconceivable in any other country, not least for the magnificently blasé response of the protagonist in this macho sport, and the venue’s management:

“We’d also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice,” said AIK club head Mats Hedenström to the newspaper.

Farewell, Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten’s English page. Farewell, tales of drunk elk attacking washing or walking through windows, the inadequacies of the Norwegian State Railways, the articles about oil that I always skip, annual First Snow Sparks Chaos (not just the UK),the landslides, the financial troubles at Hurtigruten, students getting drunk – again, state church angst, Nobel prizes, international peace efforts, occasional random violent crime, jumper-wearing royals. In some ways, it’s like a much bigger Craggy Island Times.

Most of all, though, I shall remember it for this headline: Animal Bordellos Draw Norwegians.