nineveh_uk

Conkers, conkers everywhere, the surprise of how dark it has suddenly got, annoyance of booking a flu jab and having the time suddenly altered on one, and even new students. Fancy eating apple cake but not cooking it. Miss blackberry season. Again. Realise you ticked off family birthday (1), but now have three more within the next 11 days you need to sort out. Oops. Er, party conference season.

And of course the Yuletide tagset. Hurry to find out if someone more organised than you nominated what you want. Find new canons that look interesting. Find existing ones you'd not have thought for fic for, but would absolutely read. Wot no Nirvana in Fire? Outrage! Ah, way over the limit. Marvel at ever more professionally published Jane Austen fanfic. Consider that maybe you'll sign up this year, but probably not. Haunt the nominations spreadsheet anyway. Look forward to what there might be to read.

In short, autumn.

This was mean to have two further chapters and be a Yuletide treat. But I didn't get to chapters 2 and 3 and so it doesn't really fit the prompt as I would like and I thought that I would just post it instead. So have some short Christmas Wimsey fluff.

Denver for Christmas? (If anyone has a better title, please let me know!)

I did manage to write a Yuletide treat in a different fandom, but obviously I can't tell you about that!

Merry Christmas!

I appear to have committed Yuletide nominations. I'm not entirely certain that I'm going to sign up, but there's a couple of weeks yet to decide. If I do then I'm taking a different approach this year and instead of signing up for things that I really care about, will go for some new fandoms and try to take a more casual approach to it. Yes, I want to write a good fic, but I've never really loved any of the fics I've written for e.g. Wimsey fandom for Yuletide because they've never been for prompts that deeply inspired me. I suspect that I might find it easier and more fun to lower the stakes a bit.

On the other hand, one of the fandoms I'm considering writing for is Deutschland 83, which hardly represents an easier option, so possibly I'm just coming up with a new way to create stress for myself and RUIN YULETIDE.

Anyone else thinking of signing up this year?

It’s that time of year again! The cards creep into the shops. Mince pies and whatever “Ecclefachan”* pies are start to appear on the shelves. Far, far away the attentive ear catches the sound of reindeer bells, and on a screen near you the first signs of Yuletide start to be seen. Which means that it is time for the return of How Will You Ruin Yuletide?

I first ruined Yuletide in 2009.

I did it in 2010 with a poll.

And again in 2011, on both LJ and DW.

In 2012 and 2013 I ruined Yuletide by not Ruining Yuletide. That is worst of all.

And now it is 2014, the nominations are in, the fandoms are being sorted, people are are having arguments about what should go in Yuletide letters, and whether saying you don’t want cannibalism in Flower Fairies fandom is kinkshaming.

So I have two choices. I could Ruin Yuletide by write a very long post about how to do everything right that is actually accurate and quite reasonable (except that it is 20,000 words long and starts a flamewar on yuletide_coal that spills over into civil war in Quebec), and then break the spirit of every rule in my own fic.

Or I could do a Yuletide Hell game post. I choose the latter.

The rules are simple: write in comments the Yuletide prompt that you would hate to get. Others are then invited to try and write a sentence of it.

Like every other facet of Yuletide, it is of course more complicated. To be true to the spirit of Yuletide Hell, there is no possible degree by which your prompt could be too entitled, self-contradictory, and generally batshit. While optional details are entirely optional I nonetheless expect that all prompters on this page will have many optional details that they will fully expect their writers to cover, and will also be dreadfully, mortally offended if writers do not merely cover the prompt, but fail to intuit what the requester wanted but forgot to write down.

Here are mine to start off with...

(1) Measure for Measure. Angelo/Isabella. Thanks so much for writing this for me, Yuletider! I know that you’ll do something true to the spirit of Shakespeare’s play! Though don’t do iambic pentameter unless you can really measure up to the standard set by Will as I find bad poetry triggering. Angelo and Isabella are my OTP, so it’s such a pity that Isabella’s internalised misogyny and Vienna’s slut-shaming culture make her unable to respond in a sex-positive way to Angelo’s proposal. I’d love some fix-it fic that has Angelo teaching Isabella to respect her identity as a sexual being. Also, it’s so stupid that Juliet and Claudio don’t practice responsible contraception. I know it’s 1603, but NFP was available then and they should have educated themselves more responsibly, so no babyfic. Bloodplay and BDSM are canonical, so don’t leave them out.

(2) 17 Moments of Spring. Stirlitz/Schellenberg. Omegaverse. I just think that the confluence of the last days of the Third Reich and A/B/O could lend a really fascinating dimension to the story. Obviously in order to respect the very serious setting of the canon complete historical accuracy is a must. It is particularly important that you get the uniforms right.**

(3) Lord Peter Wimsey. Bunter. Bunter isn’t actually in the list of characters, because I didn't nominate the fandoms I planned to request because the Spirit of Yuletide means other people should nominate them for me while I nominate for things I want to write experimentally but actually hate, so I selected Any, but that doesn’t matter, he is still the main one you should write about. I have a very, very specific story in mind, and if you don’t write about this then obviously you are going to ruin Yuletide forever and also possibly cause me to go on the rampage and destroy all Christmas trees within a hundred miles. I’d like a post-war story that has Bunter start by wanting to help Peter to overcome his shell-shock, but he gets to like Peter being dependent on him and when he realizes that Peter doesn’t remember what happens during his nightmares, starts to coerce him into acting as his sex slave. But Bunter’s got an enormous sex drive (and that’s not the only enormous thing, lol!) and wants more sex, so he tricks Peter into thinking that hypnotherapy will help him, so that he can force him to have sex whenever he wants. Please respect Bunter’s demisexual identity.

BTW, I know that the Wimsey canon can be intimidating for a first-time writer, but don’t worry. As long as you avoid the most egregrious Americanisms and make sure you say things like “settee” instead of sofa, couch, or Chesterfield, and stick closely to Strunk and White, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

*Some sort of cross between Lancashire and Wales?

**Note in 2015. The recipient was lucky enough to receive an absolutely masterful fic for this prompt, in which Stirlitz’s cover is blown when he screamed in Russian during childbirth.

As we wait for nominations for fandoms to go up, I think it is time for another round of Yuletide Hell!

The rules of the game are simple: write in comments the Yuletide prompt that you would hate to get. Others are then invited to try and write a sentence of it. Ed: Or just explain why your fail.

Remember, to be true to the spirit of Yuletide Hell, without which you will totally ruin Yuletide for the whole internet, your prompt cannot be too entitled, self-contradictory, and generally batshit. A reminder of the actual Yuletide rules: the writer is required to write in the fandom and using the characters specified by the requester. That is all. Optional details are entirely optional. Nonetheless, I expect that all prompters on this page will have many optional details that they will fully expect their writers to cover, and will also be dreadfully, mortally offended if writers do not merely cover the prompt, but fail to intuit what the requester wanted but forgot to write down.

A couple to get you started:

(1) The Blue Castle, Cissy Gay. I have such a kink for pregnancy fic! It would be awesome if you could write about how Cissy Gay got pregnant (but make sure that you promote safe sex because it’s really important that we use fic to educate people). Maybe she had an affair with Gilbert Blythe, lol, when he was teaching at the school at White Sands, because Anne had rejected him, and Cissy looks a bit like her. Then Cissy gets pregnant and Gilbert tries to drug her so he can force her to have an abortion, but Cissy wants to keep the baby even after she faints from morning sickness in church and everybody guesses and thinks she’s a slut. Sex-positive fics only, thanx!

(2) Bredon/Bunter. Bredon looks just like Peter and Bunter can’t help having dirty thoughts about him, but then Bredon finds out and they have a really hot affair. Obviously it’s really important to me that your fic not contain any fail or -isms and have due regard to the kyriarchy. Also, I think that non-con is really squicky so please don't write that (also that means no under-age, cuz if you can’t legally consent then it’s alwaysgoing to be non-con). Must be really explicit! Don’t make Bunter over 65, old people sex is SOOOOO gross ;-) I know that you're going to write something wonderful, I hope it's really long!

I didn't have time for Yuletide proper this year, but at the last minute I weakened and succumbed to a prompt for Yuletide Madness. My fic is Photographic Evidence (static pages here if the archive won't load for you), in which Wimsey finds himself in the dock. Finally I have managed to write yer actual slash, though not with yer actual you know in it.

The solicitor was not Murbles, of course, but a younger man recommended by Impey Biggs. Wimsey had initially suspected that it was only the prospect of briefing that most famous silk that had persuaded the man to take on such a hopeless case. It had been a brief moment of respite to discover that someone had still wanted to work with him, though the case was dull enough, in its way.

‘It would help,’ said Murgatroyd carefully, 'if you would name the other man in the photographs. It might weigh heavily with the judge.’

‘Sorry, old chap, but it simply wouldn't do.’

Murgatroyd nodded. ‘I thought not. Let’s hope that weighs, too.’

I have had very little time for Yuletide reading myself as yet, and have technical difficulties at present re. commenting, but look forward to its cheering the dark days of January.

Yuletide nominations are up. I shall nominate, though I am not yet certain whether I'll participate - it depends quite a bit on the dates as to whether it's practical. Also, there's apparently a new system for identifying "small fandoms" this year; it's fair to say that if Dorothy L. Sayers is chucked off the list (hopefully not - it's hardly one of the those one looks at and things "That's not small") I'll be disappointed, as Yuletide consistently produces a handful of good Wimsey stories from authors who don't usually write in the fandom.

I'm supposed to be ironing and writing fic this evening, but it has been defeated by sinuses. Instead I am watching the Chilean miners story unfold, and worrying a bit about when the packing and tidying up is going to be done. Work is running at high stress levels due to internal reviews and general staring into the black pit over the Browne report, and the end of the week will be very welcome.

ETA: Details of the new system. It doesn't say what the cut-off number is, though.

Back in Oxford, after a very tedious drive. An awful lot of people seemed to have chosen this afternoon to gently prang one another on the M1 - nothing serious, but a hell of a lot of slow patches. Still quicker than the train, though. Nonetheless, after driving back from visiting a friend in the Wolds for the day on Friday to discover that 4-5 inches of snow had fallen en route during the afternoon, I would like my next journey to involve no snow, road works nor traffic jams. The drive up to Leeds did have one notable moment - switching on Radio 3 to hear a performance of the Czech carol that produced the most hated carol of primary school, with the inevitable chorus "Hi-dum, hi-dum, tickle your bum, hi-dum, hi-dum frying pan". The original was rather better.

Christmas was generally excellent. Major presents were liqueur (for various fortified wines) glasses, a dressmaker's dummy (making the move to a bigger home even more important), and Complete Yes (Prime) Minister DVDs. Despite not trying, I also managed to do quite well in the sales, and have earrings (one pair), work jacket, silk summer top (very Somerset Maugham, I'm sure I could die of cholera or be shot by my drunk husband in Siam most convincingly in it), and various bits and bobs. I did not, however, acquire any household things, as I have nowhere to put them.

New Year's Resolutions: the last two years I have made the resolution to spend more more money on having fun. This has worked fairly well, so this year's resolution is "spend about the same amount of money on having fun". I also need to move house to somewhere bigger, whether or not I have a mortgage on it. this may or may not be Oxford - the job is better these days (though not the general office; I am reminded of the madness by the number of temps we get through should we ever need one), but I still have no desire to buy an incredibly expensive house in an area I don't want to live.

Finally, the Yuletide story I wrote was The Sceptre at the Feast, which is Saint-George focussed. This year's clue to authorship was a vague nod towards Bunter/Saint-George, which was probably as obscure as expecting people to guess last year's from a joke about White Slavery panic.

ankaret linked to some jolly sensible advice on the writing of Yuletide prompts and how to (a) hopefully get something you’ll really like whilst (b) avoiding frightening your author so that she runs and hides in a ditch.

In the course of the post was some additional information on conventions in some anime fandom, which it appears are rather complex, but seem to boil down (once one has just given up on understanding the iffy foreign language numbering thing) to Harry/Draco being considered a different pairing from Draco Harry.

Which leads me to suggest a game/meme: write in comments the Yuletide prompt that you would hate to get. Others are then invited to try and write a sentence of it.

To get you started:

(1) Wimsey/Bunter (NOT Bunter/Wimsey, eww!)* ^^(trebizon)/gecko-alpha-gecko It's got to be a really plotty mystery (the more plot the better! I want them to trail criminals at night and have to use disguises, and there should be at least 4 cliffhangers) about how Peter has an illegitimate brother and Helen finds out, and tries to have him murdered. I don't want Harriet getting between Peter and Bunter. Barbara should be in it: maybe she and Harriet are having an affair LOL! Sub-plot: Bunter seduces Saint-George because he wants to top. RPF Mosley would be a bonus.

(2) Bunter/Winifred. Any.

* It is interesting to note that under this scheme there is no Wimsey/Bunter at all on the web, it all being Bunter/Wimsey. Which makes the fact that there is giant squid/Bunter (though not Bunter/giant squid) even scarier.

Even more incidentally, someone asked (perhaps metaphorically) on the LordPeter list where the Bunter fanfic is. I have not yet decided how to reply, but it is awfully tempting to make some suggestions...

I've hardly scratched the surface of Yuletide yet, and probably won't for some days, but I must in the meantime recommend the story written for me, Poor Hardworkin' Pleeshman, the account of how Wimsey and Parker start working together post-Attenbury Emeralds, with cameos from Bunter and the Dowager into the bargain.

Another rec is for the Christmas crackers that Youngest Sister supplied. They proved to contain modelling balloons (plus a pump and instructions), and the day took an unexpected diverstion for 90 minutes between the main course and pudding for the making of dogs and rabbits (me), and extravagant (and semi-obscene) hats (everyone else). Middle Sister ended up in the sort of costume usually seen on BBC low-budget science-fiction version dramas.

I wrote two Yuletide stories, one in an existing fandom, plus an extra for a source I have mentioned, but not previously written for - someone happily asked for the exact fic that I've been thinking of writing, but hadn't got round to and wasn't sure there was an audience for, which felt reason enough to go for it.