nineveh_uk

So all that dramatic storytelling to Peter afterwards is fuelled by Bunter's frustrated savage libido? It all makes perfect sense.

Thank you for aiding my recovery from travel.

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Hehe! Nice touch - the bag of sweets and the "little packet" together - Bunter is always prepared! Please do continue this, I can hardly wait for the next episode...

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Whilst Bunter had never been a boy scout, he felt that they had some good ideas ;-)

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Whilst Bunter had never been a boy scout, he felt that they had some good ideas

"It ain't right," said the man, his fingers fiddling nervously with the battered hat he was holding. "My Nellie's a good girl. She ain't never done it before, and she won't be doing it again, I'll see to that. But she's got a good situation at the Park, and they'll kick 'er out as soon as they realise, an' wot I say is, it takes two to tango."

"Quite right," said his lordship, suppressing an irritable desire to enquire why everyone always came to him on such occasions. "I'll cover the expenses, of course, Mr - er - Smiff, and in the meantime, you may rest assured I shall be having words with my nephew."

Nellie's father blinked at his lordship, puzzlement in his honest blue eyes.

"Your nephew, my lord?"

"Jerry. It's time the young blackguard faced up to his responsibilities."

"There must be some mistake, my lord. It weren't no Jerry wot knocked up my Nellie, it was a Mervyn."

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And then he woke up, sweating and screaming and hunting for the bromide and swearing never, never to take a risk again (though hopefully not until we've seen (a) his lordship's reaction, and (b) his lordship's awkward conversation with Bunter). Brilliant and evil!

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Exactly!

As for Peter's reaction, some things are best left to the imagination. But I'm sure he docked the expenses out of Bunter's wages.

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"Bunter!"

"My lord?"

"Earlier this evening, Bunter, I was visited by a Mr, er, Smith. You may know him as the father of Nellie."

"I see, my lord."

"As I - and thus next quarter you - have paid him the necessary ten quid and let him depart with his touching belief in his daughter's essential virtue intact, we'll say no more about it on that front. But for God's sake, Bunter, what on earth were you thinking to give her your real name?"

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Oh, YES!

But honestly, men! Trust Peter to think Nellie was basically a slapper who tricked poor unworldy Bunter into giving her his real name.

"AS I - and thus next quarter you - have paid him the necessary ten quid" is an utterly brilliant line.

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It's one thing to threaten to sack a mistress, but a man can't afford to offend his right hand valet over some silly girl who didn't keep her knickers on.

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Since even Harriet couldn't keep her knickers on when faced with Bunter at his most persuasive (why yes, I do take

antisoppist's "They came, you know, and told me you were dead" as canon - why do you ask?), I hardly think a poor little domestic, with few enough bright spots in her toilsome life, can be blamed for failing to think of the children.

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*is flattered*

You are both evil and inspired of plot. And to Peter everyone except Harriet is a slapper, and after "They came you know..." Harriet too. I am, however, concerned as to where Bunter is to gain his expertise if there are five times he failed to acquire any practice.

Do you suppose he was shagging the Ave Kleber lady's maid, causing the lady's "unreasonable" loss of temper?

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It's only five out of five million. I'm sure he will have other opportunities. Hmm, perhaps Peter has a sort of Madonna/whore complex, whereby anyone he's in love with is as pure as the driven snow, and anyone he isn't, isn't. Which would lead to interesting Angst if he fell out of love with H (I've always thought the "jilted for a Scotchman" bit in WB is a self-portrait). Or indeed TCYK, if he's still in love with H and can't allow her to be a slapper even confronted with the unbuttoned trousers.

Do you suppose he was shagging the Ave Kleber lady's maid

Of course! The maid had blabbed about Bunter's prowess and not speaking French in bed, which was a sore point, the lady in question being Portuguese (I can never remember how many 'u's there are in Portuguese).

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Peter = Patrick Merrick. The Barbara episode caused arrested development stuck at 17.

I am stalled on Unasked Questions in BH due to inability to produce pillow talk French and to write Peter, unless his response is complete silence.

As to happy endings, I was all for ultimate gentleman/womanly understanding (after a bit of angst) until you two got going on it and decided everyone had to shoot either themselves or each other.

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I am stalled on Unasked Questions in BH due to inability to produce pillow talk French

Oh no, this is dreadful news!

Perhaps Harriet could suggest to Peter that they have a Finnish Night instead? And since I'm reasonably sure neither of them can speak Finnish, that would put an end to the piffle in Foreign (though I daresay Peter would produce a couple of long words he'd gone and looked up in the dictionary specially).

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Stalling is not allowed! (Says pot to kettle).

Peter would have a friend in the FCO who spoke Finnish, and taught him the necessary phrases. Or Harriet could try German. At which point Peter realises how silly it is. Except he probably wouldn't, but would start quoting (who wrote erotic poetry in German? has anyone ever written erotic poetry in German) and Harriet would end up trying to suffocate herself with the pillow. Or she could pretend that she found gags rather exciting and would Peter, just this once?

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Unanswered BH was supposed to be the easy one. It isn't. Harriet suddenly able to speak Finnish would get me attacked for rampant Mary Sueism and besides, my knowledge of romantic Finnish is limited, Finns not being given to romance and my husband being capable of distinguishing me from former girlfriends.

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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nineveh-uk.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 09:32 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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azdak.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 08:49 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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nineveh-uk.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 09:39 am (UTC) - Expand

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Peter = Patrick Merrick. The Barbara episode caused arrested development stuck at 17.

*reader fwows up* Though who does that make Claudie?

We didn't mean it! They work it out in a week! There are merry reconcilations/humorous embarrassed conversations/twosomes/threesomes/agreements never to mention it! Or you could do the Choose Your Own Adventure Version. But I absolutely refuse to let the last word to be "Peter went off to France and got himself shot". (Now, if he went off to France and worked some things out of his system with an ex-mistress that would be another thing.)

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Though who does that make Claudie?

Marjorie Phelps. Which is a bit tough on Marjorie Phelps who should think herself lucky he didn't add "and you're not a prostitute" to the tactful rejection speech.

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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nineveh-uk.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 09:35 am (UTC) - Expand

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If the young person has been faced with Helen, that explains everything.

I am more than happy to consider TCYK... as canon as long as we get a promise that it ultimately has a happy ending. In the absence of said promise and in light of threats to the contrary, I need to keep some prospect of denial in the event of the Worst.

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I am more than happy to consider TCYK... as canon as long as we get a promise that it ultimately has a happy ending

Oh, there is a happy ending in the end. It may take them a while to get there - and there will be lots of flouncing and posturing and threatening to shoot self/other/innocent bystanders - but when it comes down to it, they all love each other (for whatever value of love you choose), and they will work it out. Eventually.

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I shall try to be reassured. As long as it _definitely_ works out and Peter returns from flouncing off to France, though at this point I am wondering if they'll have to sell the house.

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Peter isn't going to go flouncing off to France - he's only just come back from there, and has seen Dreadful Things, and however fraught the domestic atmosphere may be, it can't be as bad as that.

Perhaps Helen will turn up to lecture him about how Harriet shouldn't have been living on her own with That Man, because who knows what might have happened, and Peter will retort that he wouldn't care if it did, and suddenly realises that this is true. And then he and Bunter go and get raging drunk together.

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I wrote a two-line sequel in which Peter went straight back to France and got himself dead but it was in e-mail and I don't have access to it at the moment. I don't believe it myself but it is useful to threaten people who hassle me about sequels with (evil grin).

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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nineveh-uk.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 09:13 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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azdak.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 10:14 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Bunter's Worst Nightmare

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nineveh-uk.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-05 03:00 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Perfect! Happy endings all round (except for Bunter and the fact that P's alive, but perhaps P being alive will beat even the thwarted prospect of a longer-term arrangement with H). I can just see Helen bitching about it to her friends, and then feeling obliged to talk to Peter, "It's all very well his talking about duty, Marjorie, but he ought to have remembered his duty to his family."

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